Entries Tagged as 'Humor'

Insightful thoughts from the cartoon world…

I think life should be more like TV. I think all of life’s problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don’t you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothing, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don’t you think?… Then again, if real life was like that, what would we watch on television? -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes

Growing up I loved Calvin and Hobbes. Bar non, it was my favorite comic in the newspaper. I to this day still remember the words in the last frame of the last comic in the series; “It’s a magical world, Hobbes, ol’ buddy… Let’s go exploring!” (Impressive, since the final comic was published almost 15 year ago).

What did I like about it? I think it was part that Calvin had an imagination. I was an imiaginative kid, and I always loved the strips where Calvin was having a daydream, like Spaceman Spiff or Stupendous Man. I grew up like that, using my imagination (video games weren’t huge in my life at this point, I didn’t get my first system, a super nintendo, until 7th grade, and my first computer until my sophomore year of high school). I’d hang out with friends (or, sometimes, by myself) imagining all sorts of adventures to keep myself occupied and/or amused.

Calvin was also incredibly smart. I don’t think I was aware of it at the time, but I think the 11th grade vocabulary I had in third grade was mostly due to Calvin’s waxing philosophical in some of the strips. He’s the only first grader I know who can use the words “vicariously” and “mediocre” in a complete sentence.

Mostly, I remember Sunday mornings before church, getting up and having my dad read the comics to me and my sister, with us on either arm of his chair, and every sunday Calvin and Hobbes was there, in all its half-page glory.

Just something I found amusing for the day, call it reliving my childhood. =)

  

In honor of the opening day of the Summer movie season!

Back to the basics for the Marvel vs. DC series…

“My movie’s more family friendly.”
“How is mine NOT family friendly?”
“Yeah, right… ’sorry, kids, we couldn’t get in to see kung fu panda, let’s watch the clown with the M16 open fire on a school bus!’”

  

It’s kids like this that will popularize spanking again…

Seriously… “It’s fun to do bad stuff”? When asked if he thinks there should be any punishment, “Maybe no video games for a while and that’s it.” If I were the kid’s grandma, I would’ve whooped the tar out of him for the camera so that no other 7 year olds got any wise ideas…

  

Of milkshakes, munchkins, and… some other word that starts with M…

Ah, what a day. It’s funny, it seems like since I’m not intentionally trying to blog every day, now I have no lack of material (although I didn’t use yesterday’s). But tonight, I blog.

The morning started out with me getting to church for setup. I was a little shocked, I was there at 8:30 and the sound booth hadn’t even been rolled out. I go in, call out upstairs (figuring Dave was up there) and it turned out that Jared was up there. Dave’s father in law was in the hospital and so he was with his wife at the hospital. I’m sure you all know what this means: I’m the only non-choir-member sound guy there (and only one of two total sound techs in the building, as Kellie AND Dave are both in the ministry). This also means, being the only non-choir sound guy, that I was pretty much by myself the whole time.

Well, sound check went okay, but there was the proverbial wild card with the first special: The choir was singing to back up Kim. This is a wild card for two reasons:

1) We don’t run sound check with choir
2) The mics can be finicky about cooperating for the choir

Usually the choir sound check is the opener, during which I try to adjust monitors so she can hear them, and after which (during prayer) Miss Faith and I communicate by lip reading and frantic gestures to figure out what we can do to fix things. today was not a good day, because by the time the opener was over, I had cranked her monitor to +5 (which is max on the dial) and she couldn’t hear anything. So everyone bows their head and the frantic gesturing begins, I get my point across, and I unmute Kim’s mic.

Or so I thought.

You see, Kim usually uses one of the wirelesses, which happens to be the same one that Amanda uses, and since I set Amanda’s settings first, I set Kim on another microphone. However, when I unmuted it, I unmuted Amanda’s. Kim goes to start the song, I hear nothing, and I reactively flipped the other mute button off (I have the right instincts when something goes wrong, at least), then wanted to crawl under the sound booth and hide.

Well, after the service I found out that tonight we were going to do a run through for next sunday morning’s group ensemble (which involves two munchkin choirs, the teen girls, and a quartet of my sister, Amanda, Casey, and Kim). This is something that, normally, I would’ve let Dave handle because of the complex nature (and my own feeling insecurities about the job and not feeling on par with Dave, he is, after all, infinitely more experienced). But, recall, Dave wasn’t there and wouldn’t be there for the evening service, either. So, again, the task falls to me.

I did make the smart move of letting Glen mix the teen girls for the evening service (if I’d had to do that, AND the pre-sunday check, I probably would’ve cracked and declared myself emperor of the hundred acre woods…). Then, after the service, I took a seat at the back of the auditorium and waited for the large group to come, and come they did. It wasn’t quite what Miss Faith was hoping for, though, because we didn’t have the mics for the munchkin choirs (Jared’s getting those this week), and the choir mics are hung too high to pick up the teen girls (in fact, the majority of what I picked up through the choir mics was actually the piano…). The ladies quartet in the center couldn’t hear anything from the monitors, the teen girls couldn’t be heard at all, and the munchkins didn’t get mics to use because we didn’t have them yet. I think it’ll go well sunday, but there’s going to be a lot of playing by ear to get everything perfect, which makes Miss Faith nervous, I can tell…

Well, after all of this, I broke down everything, put it all away, and went to my sister’s house to pick up the birthday cake I left there yesterday. After that, I decided (being it was fairly warm outside) to grab a milkshake on the way home. So I went to Baskin-Robbins and got myself a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup shake. This turned out to be the randomness of the night. You see, for whatever reason, some genius at B&R decided that putting a big old dollop of hot fudge in the bottom of the milkshake. Let’s think about this for a moment.

First of all, hot fudge, for those who aren’t familiar, is rather thick when heated. when it cools, it becomes thicker. and, being in the bottom of the cup, it’s the first thing you try sucking down the straw, which doesn’t really work. Add to that the bits and pieces of Reese’s, which tend to clog up the straw all be their lonesome. So, take reeses bits, add hot fudge, and suddenly, I’m wishing Drain-O wasn’t toxic so I could get the blasted straw unclogged.

And now, here I sit, on the verge of going to bed, realizing in addition to 25 years disappearing, I have no bloody idea where my week’s vacation went…

  

Words cannot describe…

…how unbelievably adorable this is:

Seriously, cutest thing all week. Especially the one in the middle that halfway through the song put his arm around the one next to him…

And for your SNL Ferrell-Catan fans…

  

Everything I need to know about life I learned from my grandpa

And now it comes to it: The big finale, as it were, after a series of sometimes humorous, sometimes rambling, occasionally pointless blogs between my third blogging anniversary and my 25th birthday. I admittedly had considered throwing this in sooner rather than later, but ultimately decided it’s more meaningful to end out with this one than to throw it in in the middle. Of the whole group, this one means most to me.

My grandfather’s name was Robert Avon Tjomsland. (Before you even consider any “Avon calling” jokes, keep in mind a) it’s my birthday, and b) I will end you. :-p) He was a great man, and a great example in my life. He was a devoted husband, loving father, and a wonderful grandfather. He passed away on April 17th, 1998, one week before my 15th birthday, my freshman year of high school. I still remember my parents coming to pick me up at school the day he went in to the hospital. He’d had heart surgery after a heart attack, and a cough that the doctors had said was a normal part of recovery turned out to be pneumonia. For any who know my inherent distrust of hospitals, now you know why: At 14 years old, I got to watch my grandfather pass as a result of someone screwing up (or at least, that was my mindset at the time).

Now older and wiser, I’ve come to understand that it was his time, whether I wanted to admit it at the time or not. Whether by pneumonia or a car accident, if God was going to call grandpa home, he’d do it however he pleased. But another perk in being older is I can look back on and cherish the life lessons my grandpa taught me while he was alive. Today, on my 25th birthday, I’d like to share a few.

1) If you want something, work hard for it – My grandfather was a child of the Depression. Everything he had later in life was a result of how hard he’d worked earlier in life. My grandfather worked with the CCC in his young adult years, went on to work construction most of his life. He paid his bills on time, he paid cash for everything. He even built a beautiful house out in Hebo, Oregon (which is the place I knew as a child). And after his heart attack, when he and my grandma decided to move closer to town, he paid cash for their new home, too. Admittedly, this is a lesson I wish I really would’ve grasped earlier in life, but having had that example at all is, in this day and age, rare. My generation tends to want everything handed to them on a silver platter. That’s why we’re into the “get rich quick” schemes, we want everything our parents had without any of the work it took for them to get it. And what’s sad is, more and more parents are giving in and giving it to them. Then we wonder why our kids are lazy. Gee, I wonder…

2) Don’t save things unless they’re useful. – My grandfather had an amazing shop when I was a kid. He had power tools, hand tools, nuts, bolts, screws, nails, everything you can imagine. If you ever needed a nut or bolt, Grandpa was the man, chances are he’d have it.

3) Don’t save the useful things unless you plan on using them. – To this day, my grandmother still has baby food jars of nuts, bolts, screws, and the like in her garage. She’ll never be wanting for any of them, but I think we could take all the walls off of the place and put it back together just with the stuff she has there.

4) Love your wife. – My grandparents were married fairly young, but they remained married. In fact, I don’t think there was ever a doubt in my grandmother’s mind that grandpa loved her. When he was older, at doctors appointments and whatnot he’d flirt with the nurses, but grandma didn’t mind; she knew he only had eyes for her. That’s another thing increasingly rare in todays culture: husbands actually telling their wives they love them. I’m no marriage expert (being, after all, unmarried), but guys, how often do you tell your wife you love her? If you haven’t said it since you got married, do yourself a favor: Go do it, right now. Seriously, step away from the blog, find your wife, give her a hug and a passionate, “I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks” kiss, and tell her you love her. Then, and only then, do I give you permission to finish this blog. Go on, I’m not going anywhere. Do it. NOW.

Okay, now that that’s out of the way…

5) Take care of your family, even when it’s hard. – My family, for those who aren’t aware, is far from perfect. We don’t really define the dysfunctional family, but we certainly have had our moments (and will probably continue to do so). Grandpa was the proverbial glue that held the family close, and I think it was because of this: No matter how stupid the things you did, grandpa didn’t hold it against you. Even if he told you it was a bad idea, even if he warned you not to do it and you ignored it, grandpa wouldn’t say I told you so, he’d accept you back just as if you hadn’t done anything. Now, mind you, I think he thumped me once or twice when I was younger, but it was a loving admonishment, he got it over with and got on with it.

6) Be a servant in whatever you’re doing. – I think of all of the lessons I learned from grandpa, I picked up on this one earliest, even if I didn’t fully understand it at the time. If you asked my grandpa for help with something, he would be glad to help. I think this example is what got me holding doors for people at a young age (just ask my mother: On a cub scout visit to mentor graphics, while all the other kids were running ahead, I held the doors for the parents. True story. =)

Am I always the man grandpa was? Hardly. So many of the lessons I learned were kind of late-breaking revelations. But I hope someday, after a long, full life, that I can have my grandkids writing about the lessons they learned from me that I’ve passed on from him. I hope I’m making you proud, Grandpa.

Adios for now, kids, we’ll see you later.

~Andrew =)

  

Humor for my birthday…

This makes me giggle.

Alas, it’s not true…

  

And today’s winner for the “I have entirely too much free time on my hands” award goes to…

This guy!

Mario cart car plays the Super Mario Song

Pretty cool, but can you imagine how long it had to have taken to get all of those bottles pitch perfect?

  

Humor for the day…

John: (To Dave) Have you got change for a $20?
Dave: I’m married.
John: (To Me) Have YOU got change for a $20?
Me: I’m single.
John: Right… I need to find a married woman then. (Turns around to Jerry Sr.) Have you got change for a $20?
Jerry Sr.: Come with me, my wife has all of the money.

Actual conversation from church this morning. =)

  

Go jump in a lake…

I love the outdoors, but I never seem to find enough excuses to truly enjoy them. For our senior trip, we went to Lake Shasta, and I did get to enjoy quite a bit of the outdoors with 60-ish of my (somewhat) favorite people. Okay, admittedly, there was more than one I wished we could’ve chucked into the lake and “forgot” to pick up, but a nice time was had by (almost) all.

Senior trip wound up being the catalyst that really solidified my friendship with Michael, oddly enough we weren’t friends sooner in high school (in spite of being almost life-term yearbookers), and it wasn’t until he beat me at literally every board game we brought on senior trip except for Monopoly Junior travel edition that we got to really know each other (you can tell a lot by a man from how badly he destroys you at Risk). After high school, in an instant messaging conversation he commented that “Well, if it had been real monopoly that never would’ve happened” and thus, the legend was born (and, for the record, I annihilated him in that first game during Christmas break).

I don’t know who hasn’t noticed this, but I’m a pasty white Norwegian, which for those who don’t know what that means, I think the sun doesn’t shine on Norway for five to six months at a time, so our ancestors passed on the uncanny ability to burn easily. I learned this the hard way on senior skip day when I got enough of a sunburn to keep me out of school for three days on a cloudy day. Needless to say, going to Shasta’s 90+ degree weather was enough to make me invest in a crate of SPF-50 sunscreen, and I surprisingly only wound up with “wings” as my worst burn (caused by applying the sunscreen wearing a sleeveless T-shirt, the removing the shirt and putting on a life jacket, leaving two small red marks on my shoulder blades resembling tiny wings).

My favorite thing to do on the trip was kayaking. Every opportunity where someone wasn’t already using them, I would steal a kayak and go. Michael and I one afternoon took them out probably a mile or two around the lake, finding every opportunity to cut across the wake of the ski boats (because that was unbelievably fun). We at one point even found this campfire ring about two feet underwater (this is the time of year where the levels were dropping about a foot every day, so by the time we left I’m sure it was exposed). Kayaking is definitely something I hope to do more of later in life.

Absolute best moment of senior trip had to have been the day we had a group playing Axis and Allies (albeit the game itself was humiliating, playing as Russia and falling to Mr. Porter’s Nazi regime as he sang “Springtime for Hitler” from “The Producers”). While we were playing, David Sauter came around and found the buzzer from the Taboo game, and began buzzing it. This, as you might imagine, became really annoying really quick. So we all jumped up from the table in an attempt to tackle him, but to no avail, he escaped out the back and around the front of the boat (in spite of Mr. Westerberg’s best effort to block the front; He ran into the screen door). We got up and went back to what we were doing.

Now, David was notable for many things, but the most prominent was the afro he sported (nevermind that he was whiter than I am). So with all of the window shades drawn, with the sun on that side of the houseboat, it was fairly obvious as he tried to sneak around the side of the boat. I looked across the table to Justin, then around the table at everyone else. Justin followed my eyes, looked back at me and nodded, understanding the unspoken request. In an instant, Justin was out on the deck holding David in a waist lock while the other five of us pounced to help. With two people on his feet, two people at his waist, and Michael and I prying his fingers loose from the ladder, the six of us chucked David, fro and all, into Lake Shasta, then went back to our game. And Aimee, the staff photography editor for the yearbook, got the whole thing on film from the next boat over. Michael, being the editor assigned to the senior trip spread, ensured that one made the cut.

All that sun and I didn’t get horrendously sunburned. I must’ve done something right!

  
  Music: "Tangiers" ~ John Powell, "Bourne Ultimatum"