Random Ramblings

I’m cleaning up my hard drives and backing stuff up before I wipe the whole thing (again) and start over, and in doing so, I’m finding some amusing stuff.

For instance, a list of jokes I cracked at my mother as we were on vacation in California three years back when I read words on signs I could use.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Zamora.
Zamora who?
Can I have Zamora those potatoes?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dunnigan.
Dunnigan who?
I did the dishes twice, now I’m Dunnigan.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dunnigan.
Dunnigan who?
I told this joke before, now I’m Dunnigan.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Datewood.
Datewood who?
Every time Johnny went out, his Datewood stand him up.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Redding.
Redding who?
What’s your address? I’m having trouble Redding the house number.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Manzanita.
Manzanita who?
Jimmy can’t cook, that Manzanita woman.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Arbuckle.
Arbuckle who?
My wife and I can’t use our belts, someone took Arbuckles.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Covelo.
Covelo who?
Covelo-er your speed a bit? You’re cornering awful fast.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Leggett.
Leggett who?
Leggett me, I’m dancin’!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Eureka.
Eureka who?
Some people stink, but Eureka somethin’ awful.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Weott.
Weott what?
…
Weott who?
You ruined my joke, mom.
Sorry, start again.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Weott.
Weott who?
Weott to start the joke over again, we really screwed it up.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Redwood.
Redwood who?
Red Green is awesome, anytime something broke, Redwood fix it with duct tape.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Redcrest.
Redcrest who?
I Redcrest is recommended by 4 out of 5 dentists.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Pepperwood.
Pepperwood who?
Pepperwood make you sneeze.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Hugo.
Hugo who?
If Hugo any faster, I’ll scream.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Albany.
Albany who?
I used to raise rabbits, but Albanys ran off.

Or this video I crafted ages ago using Half Life’s multiplayer function…

Opposing Force Survival Tips ..1

Good times, good times… Back when I had nothing better to do… :P

Tags: Humor by Andrew Laine
2 Comments »

Well, we’ll see.

Y’see, with the revival services at church this week, we’re having potluck dinner at the church Monday-Wednesday. For some reason (I have yet to figure out why), I signed up to bring potatoes on Tuesday. This was a terrible idea for several reasons.

First of all, dinner starts at 6:00. I’m off work at 5:00. Potatoes take 45 minutes to make. For those of you who aren’t mathematicians, that leaves me 15 minutes to commute from the apartment to the church, and that’s assuming I miraculously figure out how in the devil to go about getting the pan from the oven to the car without giving myself 2nd degree burns (the guy on Kung Fu: The Legend Continues makes that whole putting your forearms on the sides of a hot pot look a lot less painless than it really is… Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything…). So, my options are a) have one of my roommates start them before I get home (which is logistically possible, as Derrick’s off tomorrow), or b) work half of a day at work (which I hadn’t thought of until tonight, so I’m going to ask Lynanne tomorrow).

Third, at some point I had delusions of grandeur and decided to buy 10 pounds of potatoes and cook them in two pyrex dishes. Upon cleaning the potatoes for the first dish, I decided five pounds was plenty. This leaves me with an additional five pounds of potatoes and an extra pyrex dish (which, in reality, I probably only needed one of).

And finally, I’m terrified of other people eating my food. Sure, I’ve yet to have anyone complain about my cooking (save for the slightly charred buffalo steaks with WAY too much pepper), but my cooking is an extension of me, and I think I’ll be crushed if no one eats my potatoes…

Ah well, no guts, no…. umm… baked red potatoes.

Tags: Uncategorized by Andrew Laine
3 Comments »