Random Ramblings

An update!

As most of (the three of) you know, I’ve been in the preaching class at church. Last week, Chris came up and said, “Are you aware of the New Year’s Eve tradition?”
“Which one?”
“The preaching class preaches?”
“Oh yeah, I know about that.”
“Are you interested?”
“Absolutely.”
With that, I signed up to be one of the six members of the class to brave Pastor Lindsey’s pulpit and preach. At the beginning of the week, I don’t think I realized how nerve-wracking this would ultimately be.
For starters, the Holy Spirit made me rewrite my sermon not once, but twice (three times if you count the sermon I mentioned at the beginning of my preaching, but that I was joking about). At the beginning of the week, I had decided to preach out of I Samuel, however after much prayer, I felt like God was moving me, and by Thursday, I had something I was planning on bringing out of the book of Romans. In fact, it wound up being Saturday Morning, sitting in the middle of the Village Inn, reading my bible, that I finally wound up in Genesis chapter 22, which was the text that God gave me to preach from.
As if that weren’t enough, when we find out the preaching order, I was 4th. I had admittedly been hoping to go first so I could get it over with (I was actually really nervous about it, which is funny since, when you ask most people, I don’t shut up. How could I be nervous about talking in front of people? :-p) I had to sit there, bouncing my knee with pent-up nervous energy, through Buddy, Tanner, AND Damien before I got up there.
Once I got there… Wow. All I can say is, it’s different when you’re behind the pulpit instead of the sound board. You find out that the congregation has these things called faces (When you run sound, you think they just have hair), and when you’re behind the pulpit, they’re all looking square at you. 100-200 sets of eyes, trained on you, watching your every move, waiting for you to say something profound and impacting. Then it hits you: That’s right! I’m supposed to SAY something! I knew I forgot something here…
I’ll let the sermon speak for itself, all I’m going to say is, I survived, and I haven’t quite gotten off the rush that came over my once I’d spit out my first two Buddy Buckwalter jokes (they’re GREAT icebreakers, not to mention it lets you loosen up a bit…)
Without further ado…
Clicky!
(MP3 courtesy of Timberline Baptist Church)
(I don’t preach until 20:00 in to the MP3, I highly recommend listening to the other guys, but if you’re impatient, that’s about how far you need to go to find me…)

Tags: Personal, Religious by Andrew Laine
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…I shaved off all of the facial hair yesterday. Give it about a month, I’ll probably be tired of having a cold face and grow most of it back (That’s why I usually save the epic shave for spring: Winter I can use as much facial protection from the elements as possible…). But for now, I look like I’m twelve again.

And the epic, Christmasy quote of the night!

Mom: I’d probably get more into Handel’s Messiah if it weren’t in Latin.
Me: Uhh… Mom? It’s in English.
Mom: Oh.
Me: Yeah, wasn’t Handel English?
Mom: Handel was German.
Me: Oh.

Tags: Uncategorized by Andrew Laine
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Tags: Humor by Andrew Laine
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My previous random unexplained quote wound up being a bit of a disappointment, because the scene from the church Christmas skit I was in that I said the line in actually got cut. Basically, during the final inspection portion of the skit, I approached the sanctuary doors (which at this point did not have locks in them) and said “Why aren’t there any locks on these doors?” to which John said, “Oh, we just haven’t gotten them yet, but we’ll get that finished soon.” I turned, looked him straight on, and with a (suprisingly) straight face, said, “Do you want an Amber Alert, Mr. Coulette?”.
“What?”
“If you don’t have locks on these doors, it’s a security hazard. Anyone could walk in here and leave with one of your children. Get it fixed.”
Dave actually cut a lot of material, most of it mine (after John I think I had the largest speaking part). There were a few that I was sorry to see go (The scene where I get in an argument with John behind the building about whether or not the cross in the concrete constituted an unpermitted sign, for example, or the part at the end of the inspection where John asks, “When am I getting my occupancy permit?” and I replied “Frankly, Mr. Coulette, when you pry it from my cold dead fingers”. We had to shoot that scene twice because I lost it halfway though the line because we’d shot John burying my stunt double out back already). There were a couple of other choice moments that I was sorry to see not make it in that weren’t mine, mostly the scene where John asked Wilbur (played by Richard) how long it’s going to take, and Wilbur replied “Well Done, John.”
“What?”
“You want to know how I like my steak? Well done. I remember growing up as a kid, dinner at my house was a religious experience: it was either a burnt offering or a bloody sacrifice.”
Anyway, after helping with this year’s skit, I hope I get used next year. I also hope I get the chance to do a scene with Andy (who plays Pastor Lindsey in the skits), because he ad-libs all of his stuff, so the randomness that might come out of such a combination could be hilarious.

Tags: Andrewisms, Humor by Andrew Laine
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I recently had someone show me this website. It’s basically a parody of the Nintendo DS game Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney. I’ve never played the game, mind you, but something about the whole idea of the site makes me giggle like a moron.
(Yes, I am easily amused…)
Additionally, I’m presently engaged in the epic debate about my facial hair. Do I keep it all? Do I shave it all off? Do I shave off the majority of the beard and keep the goatee? Do I shave off the goatee and keep the sideburns? (Ewww… on second thought, scratch that last one for sure) At present, I’m thinking just shave the whole thing off and start over.
And finally, the random cute child story of the day goes to… Devin, our Pastor’s son, who, this morning during sound check, had his sister ask him, “Devin, what does Santa say?” to which he replied with a gleam in his eye, “Ho, ho, ho…”. It was darn near about the cutest thing I’ve seen since this:

Okay, maybe not THAT cute, but not too far off.
…
*eyeballs the picture*
…
Dadgumit, now I want a kitten…
…
Anyway, Merry Christmas everyone, if you don’t hear from me the next couple days, it’s probably because I got killed by a rabid shopper during my last minute Christmas shopping. I might be armed, but let’s face it: There are certain things bullets don’t stop, and a woman ready to attack you with a butcher knife for touching the last Tickle Me Elmo tends to be one of them. If I die, tell my family I love them, and there’s a box buried behind my childhood home with valuable treasure in it.
…
Okay, okay, I think I buried a G.I. Joe back there that might be worth money if I’d never played with it and buried it in the garden not knowing any better. I was young(er) and stupid(er) once…

Tags: Humor by Andrew Laine
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In defense of his Joker-ship, I present to you… exhibit A!

“Evening, comissioner… Why so serious?”

I think Jack Nicholson’s officially lost the title…

Tags: Movies by Andrew Laine
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Now, by reading this blog post’s title, I know what you’re thinking: “He’s lost it. He’s bonkers. No one over the age of 7 should be playing that.”

Ah, but there’s a twist.

You see, I have the ultimate Pokemon. In my possession, I have the one card that trumps all, and the game would go something like this:

Me: Hey kid, let’s play.
Kid: Okay, Mister. Chimichar, I choose you!
Me: A good choice, kid, but not good enough…
*flops his sole card down on the table*
Me: Jack Bauer, I choose you.
Kid: *stunned silence, jaw agape*
Me: Game over. Gimme your cards, kid.
Kid: *still in stunned silence, jaw agape, slides his deck across the table*
Me: And close your mouth. You’ll catch a fly doing that.
*Andrew walks away victorious, 8 year old breaks down crying like a little girl*

Y’see, my Season 6 of 24 came with a Jack Bauer card for the 24 Card Game.

Yes, they have a 24 card game.

No, I don’t play it.

No, I don’t intend to play it.

Yes, Jack Bauer can win in any card game situation I put him in.

Tags: Humor by Andrew Laine
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