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Mothers…

So after the service, my mother and I were standing around talking with Miss Faith and Brittany, and Alana (Miss Faith’s tiny little daughter) was there with us, and she started making noises and pointing at me, at which point Brittany commented that Alana must like me because she was doing the same thing during sound check this morning, and my mother questioned if Alana was “flirting with her son”. Then my mom and I were going out to the parking lot, and the conversation went something like this:

Mom: I saw you flirting with that hot chick.
Me: [Still thinking she's talking about Alana] She’s a little young for me, don’tcha think?
Mom: No, not Alana, the OTHER hot chick.
Me: [Puzzled] Huh?
Mom: After the service, that girl you were talking to.
Me: [Officially bewildered and running back every female I could remember talking to after the service in my head] Mom, what are you talking about?
Mom: The hot chick!
Me: [Completely and totally lost as to who on earth my mother is making reference to] Who?!
Mom: The one with Renee!
Me: [Gets it now] Oh, her? That’s someone we went to high school with. I’d hardly call it flirting, I said hello, good to see you.
Mom: Uh-huh…
Me: [Officially flustered because my mom's insinuating that I'd been flirting when I wasn't and doing so in front of people with ears] Mom! I wasn’t flirting! I hadn’t seen her since like freshman year!
Mom: Oh, I’m just kidding.

Mothers… You got to love them. :-p

  

God help us all…

I seriously wonder why people keep giving Uwe Boll licenses to create films with their properties.

I was not a fan of the “Postal” games, they struck me as raunchy and pointless. But Uwe Boll’s taken things to a whole new level of offensive, raunchy, and pointless. Seriously, I don’t recommend watching this trailer unless you REALLY want to know what I’m talking about, but I seriously regretted giving in to the curiosity within the first 10 seconds of the trailer.

I guess I should be thankful, at least Boll didn’t get a hold of the Halo movie rights. There’s still some sense left in it all…

  

Why “The Unit” rocks…

Jonas: That guy spent 15 years with Bin Laden. What’re you doing giving him back?
Mack: It’s what the other side wanted for Christmas.
Jonas: Does the state department know about this?
Bob: No, but the Air Force does.
Mack: We left them a little present.
[Mack stops the jeep, Jonas looks back in time to see a AGM blow the terrorist's truck to smithereens]
Jonas: He didn’t believe in Christmas, anyway.

  

Andrew’s Wisdom for the Week!

This will be filed under Andrewisms, and with good reason. When I have a wise thought, I’ll share it with you. And today’s wise thought is this:

Never disassemble something that has more moving parts than you have brain cells.

How did I come to this revelation, you ask? Simple. Experience.

I took apart my Grandfather’s antique shotgun today to clean it. It’s 105 years old, although as far as I can tell worthless monetary wise (W.H. Davenport shotguns are apparently semi-common). But I wanted to clean it up so I can take it to a gunsmith and find out if there’s something I can shoot in it (it’s a 12 gauge, I’m fairly sure, but I’ve heard that since the gun’s so old, it might take the everyday target loads you’d buy at Joes).

So I found out that the area that was supposedly for black powder at one point in time was also the screw that the break in the breach hinged upon, so I took it off. Then I took off the front grip, before long I’d started unscrewing things that I didn’t know what they were attached to.

This was my first unbelievably bad idea. Why? Suddenly, the hammer wouldn’t stay cocked back, and the trigger wouldn’t bounce forward.

Well, that’s it Laine, you done it this time.

I frantically started trying to figure out what I did, which resulted it my removing the stock and finding two pieces that were loose inside, which coincidentally turned out to be two little levers held in by, you guessed it, the screws I had previously removed, and so I had to figure out the functions of each and reattach them as such.

The good news: I now know how W.H. Davenport shotgun firing blocks work.

The bad news: I just spent an hour figuring it out when I just wanted to clean it and go to lunch.

Well, we gotta learn somehow… :-p

  

Ahmadinejad speaks at Columbia university…

You can read about it here.

My amusement?

“We are friends of all the nations,” he said. “We are friends with the Jewish people. There are many Jews in Iran living peacefully with security.”

My mental image?

Two Jewish men, locked up in a prison with two armed guards.

You have to give the man credit, he certainly has a way with words. :-p

  

The “Out of Context” Quote of the day….

“Another test result we don’t mail out are STD tests. Those require more personal contact.”
~Dr. Nakamura, one of the KP trainers

  

The full on Police Academy update…

Okay, so Saturday, if you couldn’t tell, was one of the really big “hands on” days. Here’s basically what we did.

I got there late after breakfast with my dad, then getting locked out of the building. Having missed Tuesday night, I didn’t know where exactly we were meeting, so I had to call the switchboard at the sheriff’s office to get one of the sergeants to find me. Once I arrived, it was the middle of the use-of-force lecture. This was mostly refresher material for me, since a lot of it was covered by the CHL class I took at the Clackamas PSTC. After that, we took a break, then came back for more classroom time going over survival skills. That wound up being a lot of the same material as use of force, plus some more stuff I remember covering in the CHL class (The OODA loop, for example).

Well, we broke for lunch, then came back for the fun stuff: Hands on training.

First thing they had us doing was using training weapons to shoot at a martial arts dummy wearing a Winnie the Pooh sweatshirt. I capped Pooh and Tigger. When told to aim for Eeyore next time, I said, “I can’t, my mother would kill me.”

Then they split us into two groups. I went with the group that started in the Range 3000 Use of Force simulator.

You already got the story on this, but I’ll give you a few thoughts. For one thing, even though it’s a simulation, if you treat it seriously, it becomes real to you. You don’t want to screw it up because you’ll be explaining your actions later, for sure. You have to be attentive, noticing threat cues. It’s also true what they say about your senses being heightened when you’re in that kind of stress. The second sim, where he went for the gun, between the time I saw the gun and the time I started firing, I could tell you that he had a .38 special snub nosed revolver in his right hand, was wearing a black leather jacket, jeans, and a red baseball cap, and owned a ford pickup. These weren’t things I analyzed during the rest of the simulation, this is stuff I picked up in the fractions of a second before I dropped the hammer. And, I cannot emphasize this enough, thank a cop. I had the advantage of having my pistol in retracted ready position and Bob beat me to the first shot, had I been drawing from the holster, he probably would’ve done me in. A cop would’ve had to draw and shoot, because there wasn’t anything to tip him off to the fact that Bob was packing this time, save his quick dip to the truck bed. And, to this day, I’m second guessing everything I did in that situation, and I didn’t even shoot a real human being.

Well, after that two people were chosen as volunteers for the next class, where we went in the training room and they were used in three scenarios with them being “deputies” and the one deputy being the “thug”. Well, the first kid got shot twice (he blamed the deputy’s quick draw, I blamed his lack of movement whilst confronting the guy). Then, the girl goes up, seeing the same guy who failed to appear for his court date, and who shot her partner, and after the confrontation, he reaches into his jacket while shouting “talk to my lawyer!” and she unloads three training rounds at him. He was going for a cell phone, at which point, the instructor said, “Everyone take a look at this.” We looked at the scene, she’s standing over his dead body, gun drawn, he lies there with a cell phone next to his body. The trainer says, “Front page of the Oregonian tomorrow: ‘Talk to my lawyer!” with this picture underneath, with a scathing editorial on police violence.” Humorous, but sadly true. The office gave him several opportunities to comply before she shot him reaching for something in his coat (which prior experience would’ve dictated was a gun), but would the media have noticed? No, the dead body with the cell phone makes a better story. :-p

Well, finally, for the last training room exercise, we did what’s called the “box drill”. Basically, they take one student outside, put a box over their head, then set up a scenario. The student is walked into the scenario, has the box removed, and from the second the box comes off, they are to react to the surrounding situation.

First woman goes up. The instructor in the “hit man” suit (that you can punch at) waits with a shock knife in front of her. Box comes off, he flips it on (making a frightening zapping noise) and starts bellowing “I’m going to kill you!”, woman runs off screaming.

Second woman goes up, the trainer’s wife, and is positioned with her back to him. Box comes off, she looks around, and just as the realization comes that he’s behind her, he grabs her. She shrieks, then goes into “stomp & elbow” tactics.

Third woman comes up, trainer stands in corner, she’s placed facing him across the room. Box comes off, he charges at her, she sidesteps, he runs past. I volunteered to go last. Now, putting a box on your head may not sound like a good psychological tool to mess with you, but until you’re there, you don’t even realize…

So I’m in the hall, box on my head, nervous, but I start focusing.

Okay, they’re going to lead me in, the second that box comes off, I’m going to orient myself towards him and come out swinging before he even knows what hit him. He’s twice my size, but I’ll have the element of surprise, he won’t know it’s coming. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Quick right, quick left, knee to the crotch. He’s going down like the Kingdome. I’m going to drop him like a hot rock…

This thought process continued as the lead me in. I counted my steps, trying to remain oriented within the space. The box comes off. “React!”

He is no more than a foot away to the left.

My right arm started back.

I begin to pivot so I get a good line on him.

Before I can cold-cock him, he speaks.

“Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to the Max station from here? I’m a little lost…”

I burst into laughter and walked away. The one person ready to meet violence with violence, and I get the guy wanting directions. This earned me many compliments for my restraint, as most everyone agreed it was apparent I was about to nail him.

What followed is my lessons in tasers.

First things first, I’d like to explain a myspace bulletin I made. It said simply this:

Tasers don’t kill people…
…doing stupid things before getting yourself tasered does.

I say this for two reasons.

First of all, if you look at any “taser induced death”, there’s one common denominator to virtually all cases of taser death: the deceased was hopped up on something. In some cases, he was already for all intents and purposes dead. In one recorded incident, the person’s core body temp before being tased was 109. I’m no physiology major, but that’s bad. VERY bad. As in “about to die anyway” bad. It’s not the officer’s fault he kicked the bucket shortly after the tasing, the fact is, the person was about to die. Now he’s just dead and not causing any destruction while dying.

Secondly, I watched 20 people get tasered. All ages, shapes, and sizes. I saw someone old enough to be my grandfather get tased for longer than most of the class, and he walked away from it smiling. I saw a guy ride the lightning for a full five seconds, and he’s still living.

You learn quite a bit in these classes, I again highly recommend taking them in your home area if there’s a department that offers them. It’s well worth it just for the experience you’ll take away (and I’m only three weeks into things!)

  

Life & the latest updates…

So, a lot has been going on lately, and I’m sure you all (at least the few who read my blog here) want the latest updates. That said, here goes.

First of all, after the whole hired-not hired fiasco with Yahoo, I was starting to question if I was ever going to find a job that wouldn’t interfere with my jobs at church. Understand that I’m a qualified retailer. Theres not a lot I’m qualified on paper to do that doesn’t involve 7 day work weeks. However, Monday I got a call from Marcus letting me know that there was a girl in our sunday school class who was trying to hire for a temp agency, I called her up and, lo, and behold, I have a two week temp gig to pay the bills with. Then, by the end of the week, I get a call from Farmers wanting me to interview for the CSR position. I go in, interview, and, to my shock, I get called the next day and am offered the position, where I’m going to be working with my baby sister (All her life, she wants to escape me, and now look who’s going to be working together! :-p) I start with Farmers on the 8th of October, a thankful 2 days after the temp gig is up.

So, now knowing where the bills are being paid from, it’ll probably bring you to the next little bit of business that’s become apparent recently. As some might’ve noticed, my relationship status has changed. Myspace didn’t make it particularly obvious, but anyone who has my facebook knows because it announced it when I switched it, little broken heart icon and all (so much for remaining low-key on that). With that comes a long list of questions that stems out of the same base question: WHY?

Well, it’s complicated, but short version is this: Jenn and I have both done a lot of growing in the last year, and after much prayer, the realization came to us that we might not be perfect for each other. As shocking as this may be, it wasn’t one of those traumatic, “I hate you and never want to see you again” breakups you see in the movies. We talked it over, cried a little, bought me work shoes, and I dropped her off at home. I don’t plan on jumping right back into a relationship. I’ve decided that I’m going to give God the control to decide when the time and person is right, and not pursue anything unless I feel God’s led me to do so. He tends to make things easier that way.

So, New job 1, new job 2, and relational status… I think that’s the main updates, so… Yeah. Signing off and going to bed. G’night folks.

~Andrew

  

Alas, poor Bob. I knew him, Detective…

I had another Citizen’s police academy today, and while I’m not going into everything at the moment, I will share my simulator incident.

WashCo uses a use of force simulator that places you into videotaped simulation situations where there is a potential perpetrator, and you have to decide when it is appropriate to use force against them (and, in some cases, if).

Well, I stepped up, and my perp was Bob. Bob had a restraining order he was in violation of. This was an “Arrest on Sight” and I was approaching him. So I approach Bob, and call out at him, “Bob, you’re not supposed to be here. I’m with the Washington County Sheriff, you’re going to have to come with me.

“Who called you?”

“Sir, put your hands where I can see them.”

“This is ridiculous.”

“Sir, put your hands where I can see them, NOW.”

his hands go up, he turns around, “What do you want?”

End of simulation. I ended things without using force. This, admittedly, was disappointing to me, but he said after interviewing me about the action, “Bob gets out of jail, you see him in the same spot again, and you have to approach him.”

“Bob, you can’t be here, you’re going to have to come with me.”

“Who called you?” Didn’t I just do this one?

“Bob, put your hands where I can see them, NOW.”

“This is crap.” His hands start to go up, but as he turns I notice his right arm dip towards the truck bed. Was he…

As his right hand comes into view, I see a .38 special that he just grabbed. Without so much as blinking, I pull up on target and squeezed the trigger three times. Bob drops to the ground, presumably dead.

End action review –

4 shots fired (Bob squeezed off one before I shot him, I squeezed off three)
My first shot – Right hip. Hardly a killing shot, but I’ll take it.
Second shot – Left shoulder, near the heart (closer to on target)
Third shot – about 1 inch above Bob’s head, buried into the side of his truck (He was falling down, so it wasn’t likely to hit).

Result – Bob is dead, rest his soul. And all in the blink of an eye.

So, FYI, before you judge the “violent cops” for overreacting in a situation, I highly recommend finding out if there’s a Citizen’s Police Academy or place that’ll let you use a simulator like this to see how well you would’ve reacted. If you don’t react fast enough, you’re the one going home in a body bag. :-p

  

Quote of the day

“Let me get this straight… My girlfriend and I broke up yesterday, and you think starting me drinking is a good idea? I need a new support network…”
~Me to Kennon, at 11:00 last night