-
![[FSF Associate Member]](http://server.ericsbinaryworld.com/images/fsf.png)
djotaku's twitter feed
-
- no more cable tv for me. Saving $53/month!
- http://tinyurl.com/653oo5
- I just got 2 achievements on Spore! http://raptr.com/djotaku
- just started playing Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne. http://raptr.com/djotaku
- just started playing Spore. http://raptr.com/djotaku
- just started playing Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne. http://raptr.com/djotaku
- Awesome concession speech by McCain, I actually felt really sorry for him
- obama won!
- Partaking in the age-old tradition of following the election all night long.
- just started playing Solitaire. http://raptr.com/djotaku
-
Aug
20
Terror Alert
Category: News, Politics, jokes | 
Leave a Comment
I came across the follwing European Threat information the other day but have been unable to validate its status. Anyone else seen these and can verify?
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved”. Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross”. Londoners have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance”. The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Surrender” and “Collaborate”. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.
It’s not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing”. Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides”.
The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs”. They have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose”.
The Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Italians are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Italian navy can get a really good look at the old Italian navy.
——-
Hope you enjoyed this playful ribbing at our friends across the pond. Came to me by way of my brother. Laugh! It’s all we have left nowadays.
Share and Enjoy:
These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
May
14
Yellow Fever
Category: jokes, videos | Leave a Comment
A really fun mockumentary about why Asian girls are always dating non-Asian men by the team at Wong Fu Productions:
Share and Enjoy:
These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
Apr
21
The Rootless Root
Category: Computers, Geek Love, jokes | Leave a Comment
Here’s a great collection of Zen Writing Parody called The Rootless Root.
I will sample my favorite one here to give you an idea of the wisdom contained inside.
Master Foo and the Script Kiddie A stranger from the land of Woot came to Master Foo as he was eating the morning meal with his students.
“I hear y00 are very l33t,” he said. “Pl33z teach m3 all y00 know.”
Master Foo’s students looked at each other, confused by the stranger’s barbarous language. Master Foo just smiled and replied: “You wish to learn the Way of Unix?”
“I want to b3 a wizard hax0r,” the stranger replied, “and 0wn ever3one’s b0xen.”
“I do not teach that Way,” replied Master Foo.
The stranger grew agitated. “D00d, y00 r nothing but a p0ser,” he said. “If y00 n00 anything, y00 wud t33ch m3.”
“There is a path,” said Master Foo, “that might bring you to wisdom.” The master scribbled an IP address on a piece of paper. “Cracking this box should pose you little difficulty, as its guardians are incompetent. Return and tell me what you find.”
The stranger bowed and left. Master Foo finished his meal.
Days passed, then months. The stranger was forgotten.
Years later, the stranger from the land of Woot returned.
“Damn you!” he said, “I cracked that box, and it was easy like you said. But I got busted by the FBI and thrown in jail.”
“Good,” said Master Foo. “You are ready for the next lesson.” He scribbled an IP address on another piece of paper and handed it to the stranger.
“Are you crazy?” the stranger yelled. “After what I’ve been through, I’m never going to break into a computer again!”
Master Foo smiled. “Here,” he said, “is the beginning of wisdom.”
On hearing this, the stranger was enlightened.
Share and Enjoy:
These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
Apr
19
SCO vs IBM as a part in The Princess Bride
Category: Geek Love, Movies, News, jokes | Leave a Comment
I found this online and had to include it because this is my favorite scene in The Princess Bride. It concerns the current lawsuit between IBM and SCO. (Click that link to find out more about it).
It appears on slashdot and is written by Titanium Fox:
SCO: So, it is down to you, and it is down to me…if you wish Linux dead, by all means keep moving forward.
IBM: Let me explain…
SCO: There’s nothing to explain. You’re trying to kidnap what I have rightfully stolen.
IBM: Perhaps an arrangement can be reached?
SCO: There will be no arrangements…and you’re killing Linux.
IBM: But if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse.
SCO: I’m afraid so. I can’t compete with you physically, and you’re no match for my brains.
IBM: You’re that smart?
SCO: Let me put it this way: Have you ever heard or Kernighan, Ritchie, Torvalds?
IBM: Yes.
SCO: Morons!
IBM: Really! In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits.
SCO: For the kernel? To the death? I accept!
IBM: Good, then untar the source code. [SCO# tar -xvfz code] Inhale this but do not touch.
SCO: [taking a vial from IBM] I smell nothing.
IBM: What you do not smell is our patent portfolio. It is odorless, tasteless, and dissolves instantly in source code and is among the more deadly portfolios known to man.
SCO: [shrugs with laughter] Hmmm.
IBM: [turning his back, and adding the patents to one of the code trees] Alright, where are the patents? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both compile - and find out who is right, and who is dead.
SCO: But it’s so simple. All I have to do is divine it from what I know of you. Are you the sort of company who would put the patents into his own source code or his enemies? Now, a clever man would put the patents into his own goblet because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool so I can clearly not choose the code in front of you…But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the code in front of me.
IBM: You’ve made your decision then?
SCO: [happily] Not remotely! Because Linux’s SMP code originally came from England(1). As everyone knows, England is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So, I can clearly not choose the code in front of you.
IBM: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
SCO: Wait ’till I get going!! …where was I?
IBM: England.
SCO: Yes! AH! And you must have suspected I would have known the source code’s origin,so I can clearly not choose the code in front of me.
IBM: You’re just stalling now.
SCO: You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you! You’ve beaten my giant, which means you’re exceptionally strong…so you could have put the patents in your own code trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the code in front of you. But, you’ve also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied…and in studying you must have learned that Man is mortal so you would have put the patents as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the code in front of me!
IBM: You’re trying to trick me into giving away something. It won’t work.
SCO: It has worked! You’ve given everything away! I know where the patents are!
IBM: Then make your choice.
SCO: I will, and I choose…[pointing behind IBM] What in the world can that be?
IBM: [turning around, while SCO switches goblets] What?! Where?! I don’t see anything.
SCO: Oh, well, I…I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. [SCO laughs]
IBM: What’s so funny?
SCO: I…I’ll tell you in a minute. First, lets compile, me from my code and you from yours. [They both compile]
IBM: You guessed wrong.
SCO: You only think I guessed wrong! That’s what’s so funny! I switched branches when your back was turned! Ha ha, you fool!! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia; and only slightly less well known is this: Never go in against SCO, when intellectual property is on the line!SCO: HA-HAHA-HAHA AH-HAHA-HAHA (!!) (THUD!)
[IBM removes the blindfold from Linux]
Linux: Who are you?
IBM: I’m no one to be trifled with. That is all you’ll ever need know.
Linux: And to think, all that time it was your code that was patented.
IBM: They were both patented. I spent the last few years building up an impressive patent portfolio.
Share and Enjoy:
These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
Feb
21
Forget Second Life, Get an account with First Life!
Category: Computers, Geek Love, Internet, jokes | Leave a Comment
With all the recent hype revolving around Second Life, Darren Barefoot created First Life. In case the site goes down or is sold off, here’s a screenshot. Click it for a full resolution view.
Share and Enjoy:
These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
Feb
10
God as a Computer Programmer
Category: Geek Love, jokes | Leave a Comment
I found this online and I think it’s hilarious!
Some Important Theological Questions are Answered if we think of God as a
Computer Programmer.
Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life?
A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it’s tedious to step through
all those variables.
Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?
A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier revs.
Q: Does God know everything?
A: He likes to think so, but he is often amazed to find out what goes
on in the overnite job.
Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
A: If an critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically and
he logs on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise things can
wait until tomorrow.
Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?
A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and candy
bars. On the seventh day he went home and found out his girlfriend
had left him.
Q: How come the Age of Miracles Ended?
A: That was the development phase of the project, now we are in the
maintenance phase.
Q: Will there be another Universe after the Big Bang?
A: A lot of people are drawing things on the white board, but
personally, God doubts that it will ever be implemented.
Q: Who is Satan?
A: Satan is an MIS director who takes credit for more powers than he
actually possesses, so people who aren’t programmers are scared of
him. God thinks of him as irritating but irrelevant.
Q: What is the role of sinners?
A: Sinners are the people who find new an imaginative ways to mess up
the system when God has made it idiot-proof.
Q: Where will I go after I die?
A: Onto a DAT tape.
Q: Will I be reincarnated?
A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you. And searching
those .tar files is a major hassle, so if there is a request for you,
God will just say that the tape has been lost.
Q: Am I unique and special in the universe?
A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites running
exact duplicates of you in the present release version.
Q: What is the purpose of the universe?
A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but then
the users and managers demanded he tack all this senseless stuff onto
it and now everything is more complicated and expensive than ever.
Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?
A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just get
off his back and let him program.
Q: What is the one true religion?
A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so just pick
the one that best suits your needs and don’t let anyone put you down.
Q: Is God angry that we crucified him?
A: Let’s just say he’s not going to any more meetings if he can help
it, because that last one with the twelve managers and the food
turned out to be murder.
Q: How can I protect myself from evil?
A: Change your password every month and don’t make it a name, a common
word, or a date like your birthday.
Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God. Is this true?
A: They are much more likely to receive email.
Q: Some people say God is Love.
A: That is not a question. Please restate your query in the form of a
question.
Abort, Retry, Fail?
Share and Enjoy:
These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
Jan
24
Colbert at Bush Roast Part 3
Category: jokes, tv | Leave a Comment
Share and Enjoy:
These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
Jan
23
Colbert at Bush Roast Part 2
Category: jokes, tv | Leave a Comment
Share and Enjoy:
These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
Jan
22
Colbert at Bush Roast Part 1
Category: jokes, tv | Leave a Comment
Share and Enjoy:
These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
Jun
4
Computer Geek Humor
Category: BSD, Geek Love, Linux, jokes | Leave a Comment
As I was browsing around /usr/share/emacs/21.4/etc/ looking for the emacs manual in order to look for the command to launch the doctor and I found the following. It’ll be funniest if you’re used to Unix man pages. Here it is, the man page for condom.
CONDOM(1) EUNUCH Programmer’s Manual CONDOM(1)
NAME
condom - Protection against viruses and prevention of child
processes
SYNOPSIS
condom [options] [processid]
DESCRIPTION
_condom_ provides protection against System Transmitted
Viruses (STVs) that may invade your system. Although the spread of
such viruses across a network can only be abated by aware and cautious
users, _condom_ is the only highly-effective means of preventing
viruses from entering your system (see celibacy(1)). Any data passed
to _condom_ by the protected process will be blocked, as specified by
the value of the -s option (see OPTIONS below). _condom_ is known to
defend against the following viruses and other malicious
afflictions…
o AIDS
o Herpes Simplex (genital varieties)
o Syphilis
o Crabs
o Genital warts
o Gonorrhea
o Chlamydia
o Michelangelo
o Jerusalem
When used alone or in conjunction with pill(1), sponge(1),
foam(1), and/or setiud(3), _condom_ also prevents the conception of a
child process. If invoked from within a synchronous process, _condom_
has, by default, an 80% chance of preventing the external processes
from becoming parent processes (see the -s option below). When other
process contraceptives are used, the chance of preventing a child
process from being forked becomes much greater. See pill(1),
sponge(1), foam(1), and setiud(3) for more information.
If no options are given, the current user’s login process (as
determined by the environment variable USER) is protected with a
Trojan rough-cut latex condom without a reservoir tip. The optional
‘processid’ argument is an integer specifying the process to protect.
NOTE: _condom_ may only be used with a hard disk. _condom_
will terminate abnormally with exit code -1 if used with a floppy
disk (see DIAGNOSTICS below).
OPTIONS
The following options may be given to _condom_…
-b BRAND BRANDs are as follows…
trojan (default)
ramses
sheik
goldcoin
fourex
-m MATERIAL The valid MATERIALs are…
latex (default)
saranwrap
membrane — WARNING! The membrane option is _not_
endorsed by the System Administrator General as an
effective barrier against certain viruses. It is
supported only for the sake of tradition.
-f FLAVOR The following FLAVORs are currently supported…
plain (default)
apple
banana
cherry
cinnamon
licorice
orange
peppermint
raspberry
spearmint
strawberry
-r Toggle reservoir tip (default is no reservoir tip)
-s STRENGTH STRENGTH is an integer between 20 and 100 specifying
the resilience of _condom_ against data passed to
_condom_ by the protected process. Using a larger
value of STRENGTH increases _condom_’s protective
abilities, but also reduces interprocess communication.
A smaller value of STRENGTH increases interprocess
communication, but also increases the likelihood of a
security breach. An extremely vigorous process or
one passing an enormous amount of data to _condom_
will increase the chance of _condom_’s failure. The
default STRENGTH is 80%.
-t TEXTURE Valid TEXTUREs are…
rough (default)
ribbed
bumps
lubricated (provides smoother interaction between
processes)
WARNING: The use of an external application to _condom_ in
order to reduce friction between processes has been proven in
benchmark tests to decrease _condom_’s strength factor! If execution
speed is important to your process, use the ‘-t lubricated’ option.
DIAGNOSTICS
_condom_ terminates with one of the following exit codes…
-1 An attempt was made to use _condom_ on a floppy disk.
0 _condom_ exited successfully (no data was passed to
the synchronous process).
1 _condom_ failed and data was allowed through. The
danger of transmission of an STV or the forking of a child
process is inversely proportional to the number of other
protections employed and is directly proportional to
the ages of the processes involved.
BUGS
_condom_ is NOT 100% effective at preventing a child process
from being forked or at deterring the invasion of a virus (although
the System Administrator General has deemed that _condom_ is the most
effective means of preventing the spread of system transmitted
viruses). See celibacy(1) for information on a 100% effective program
for preventing these problems.
Remember… the use of sex(1) and other related routines
should only occur between mature, consenting processes. If you must
use sex(1), please employ _condom_ to protect your process and your
synchronous process. If we are all responsible, we can stop the
spread of STVs.
AUTHORS and HISTORY
The original version of _condom_ was released in Roman times
and was only marginally effective. With the advent of modern
technology, _condom_ now supports many more options and is much more
effective.
The current release of _condom_ was written by Ken Maupin at
the University of Washington (maupin@cs.washington.edu) and was last
updated on 10/7/92.
SEE ALSO
celibacy(1), sex(1), pill(1), sponge(1), foam(1), and
setiud(3)
Share and Enjoy:
These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.