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Jan
27
Been Busy
Category: Computers, family | 
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So you may be wondering what’s up with the lack of posts. It’s not that I don’t have things I want to write about. I actually have a ton to write about, but I’ve been (nearly obsessively) working on my family tree using the FOSS Linux program GRAMPS. There’s a link for the page over on the right panel of my blog. The software is AMAZING! I really think they have done an great job. If you want to keep track of your family memories, this is the program to use! I showed my family members what the output can look like and they are impressed. Not only that, but it has also energized them to help me get more information and media! Go check them out and see how awesome they are!
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Jan
24
The End
Category: family | Leave a Comment
Ashley has posted an apology on her blog. I accept that apology on behalf of myself. I don’t know how others who were affected feel. Perhaps next time, do not post hurtful things unless you truly mean it. You really hurt all of us, especially by talking about our mother. (Especially when they are vicious lies)
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Jan
24
Where did it go?
Category: family | Leave a Comment
The inflammatory post which spurned us to write what we did has been removed. For the sake of understanding what got us into such a tizzy, I’ll post a copy of it.
Here it is:
I’m definitely in the anger stage of grief, but bear with me
I have always tried to believe that everybody has good in them. I’m not perfect-I react to the things people do that I don’t like, but in the end I usually try to understand that people are the way they are because it’s the best they know how to be. And so when Dan’s family treated me like shit and barely like a person, I tried to understand where they were coming from. I tried to see what I was doing wrong with myself. And yes, they fed me and took me places and paid for me, but they never ever stopped manipulating Dan to turn against me when I wasnt there. And if they were pissed, they didnt mind throwing a tantrum and not looking me or Dan in the eye. And his mom competed with me, and she denies it, but everything he did for me, she wanted him to do for her. And I tried to put up with it. And I hated it, but I pushed him to keep a good relationship with his family no matter how unfair they were acting. But ya know what? I’m stronger now, and I’m pissed at the way I was treated. I’m pissed that they raised Dan to only trust his mom and that being dishonest is no big deal. I’m pissed that Dan’s siblings don’t see that she did the same thing to his brother’s wife before I came around. When dan’s brother got married, all he and his wife worried about was making that awful woman happy, and ya know what happened? She complained the entire time anyway. Yeah, on their wedding day, where they should be worrying about themselves. And I had the stupidity to feel bad for them, and try to understand them. It was stupid because when the criticism turns to me, they buy into it. That’s why Dan’s mom is so good at what she does, because she gets you in her group to complain about other people and tells you how she manipulates them, but no one relaizes she does the same thing to them. Yeah, Eric, your family used to talk lots of crap about Danielle until I came around, and I know they did because I spent time with both Dan and Dave before I was ever in the dating picture, and David has a harder time hiding things, and you all probably know that, but yet I’ve heard her making comments about Dan and I. Maybe people are just glad to have the heat off them, but that’s bullshit, because I tried to not join in on the crap talking about Danielle. And the thing is, I think everything gets denied by everybody because it’s such a habit to judge other people that they’d have to realize a fundamental flaw in their everyday thinking and they just don’t realize it. So deny away, but you’d be seriously insulting my intelligence. And yes Dan’s mom does nice things for people, but you know how you can tell that even that part of her is selfish? Because she doesn’t do nice things without telling everybody and getting mad if she doesn’t get something back. She likes to raise kids because something inside of her needs people to need her to a level that is so absurd that some of her offspring never learned to form healthy relationships with other women. On Christmas Eve, that woman actually turned to me and said “Why do you make my son so miserable?” Who say’s that to people? That is not a nice thing to say, but I just kept my mouth shut-I was dumbstruck. And she would never apologize for anything like that. And that is the kind of person I dealt with for a year and 8 months. I know I make mistakes, I know I couldve been better in some areas, I know I didn’t always do the right thing, but at least I can recognize my own flaws. And I feel regret for the bad things I do.I FINALLY realize that some people really are just selfish and manipulative and mean. And that people will always give them what they need. Hell, I even fell into the trap of trying to impress her. And I felt like crap everytime I couldnt do it. The problem isn’t me anymore though. I’m confident and strong and angry that they will never get it. That family will never realize the oddness of their family dynamic because they just judge people who are different, and say they’re wrong. They don’t think about anything ever and say “hey maybe we can improve and do it more like them.” In the end, I feel sorry Dan’s mother because she is so obsessed with keeping the family together that she ends up driving some of them away. I also feel sorry for her because she always have to live with herself. And its clear how unhappy she is, and I no longer accept someones unhappiness as a reason to allow them to make me feel bad. And I love my family so much because they never make people feel unwelcome in their house. No matter what I told them about Dan or the way his family treated me, they tried to make me understand them as people and be tolerant. They are good people, and I seriously appreciate them so much more after seeing how other families can be. This anger used to be taken out on myself because I could never be good enough for Dan’s family, and I even got blamed for the things that DAN did wrong (ie it was my fault if he got a bad grade). But you know what I’m better know. And if you’re a member of this family and you want to reply defensively I completely understand and I don’t care anymore because for the first time in a long time, I like myself better than I like that family and I know I have a right to feel the way that I do.
I’m sorry to the people who haven’t really seen that angry side of me before, but I honestly feel better after getting that out. Also, I see Dan trying to be a better person for everyone so most of this stuff shouldn’t be looked at as including him. Oh and feel free to reply if you took the time to read that entire thing, because I’m wondering how many people will actually take the time to read it.
And you can read my response below, naturally. My wife’s response is the second comment to my post below.
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Jan
24
Part 2
Category: family | Leave a Comment
By the way, how is my mom obsessive and controlling if she let us move to Maryland and go to school at Cornell? YOUR mother is the one that had you go to school just 45 minutes away.
And how is she selfish if she paid for your damn Disney ticket?
And my parents took out $70k in loans to let me have my dream of going to Cornell! They could have forced me to go to school locally where it was free. You are just weird.
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Jan
24
When Ashley left comments on my AIM like “lies may be ok in your family, but mine,” and “Your family can be really hard on girlfriends,” Danielle asked me if I was goign to mount a response. I told her I would not. Although I disagreed with Ashley’s contentions, I told Danielle, “I feel that no good can come of starting a flame war. It would only bring more negativity to the universe.” Yes, although you dno’t hear too many Christians speaking like that, I feel that I feel that the beliefs expounded by the practitioners of transcendental meditation do not clash with what Jesus taught with respect to “turning the other cheek and giving a man your shirt if he asked for your jacket.” I do not like to yell or be proface with the peole who are always calling my house soliciting money even though they annoy me to no end. I do not believe that we should have attacked Iraq just because Saddam was a jerk. However, there comes a point in one’s life when an affront is so hostile that, like the Japanese bombing Pearl Harbor, one has to put his pacifistic, philosophic point of view aside and press teh button. That’s right, the glvoes are off and the napalm is on its way. What triggered this change of heart? This attack on my family. Like the Cubans of the 1800s or the pre-WW2 Japanese, I cannot tolerate an attack upon my family’s honor.
To begin with, lies are not ok in my family. But, form the limited information I have been provided with from Ashley or Daniel, these lies were the inevitable result of stupid questions. For exampo,e Miss High-and-Mighty, have you NEVER lied when someone you cared about asked if they look good? If you mother was fat, would you tell her that to her face? I highly doubt that! Again, all I have to work with is the lmiited information you have given me, but it seems to me that the lies had to do with questions about Daniel’s past, questiosn that are the canonical examples of what not to ask your boyfriend. You never ask your boyfriend or girlfriend what they did in the past. It is inevitable that they will lie in order to protect you, whom they care about, and the honor of teh girl they were with previously. Ashley clames she was a girl and he was a man in her poem, more like she was naive! Coudl you resonably expect an 18 year old MALE not to have done things with girls? Sheeh, we were some of the least promiscuous men I have ever known and even we did quite a bit.
But, I will stop talking about things I have incomplete information about. Frankly, since no one has told me what the lies were about, I cannot comment further. However, it seems to me that he did not cheat on YOU and lie about it. It was another girl and another relationtship. Anyway, on to the other thing in my AIM message that morning before moving on to the blog post.
Yes, a family can be hard on girlfriends, but so what? If you can’t take the heat, get out of teh kitchen! You are either extremely naive or full of crap if you claim that your family did not talk about Danile. EVERY parent wants an unrealistic ideal for their children. My parents love Danielle, but there are thigns they wish were different about her. I’m sure of it because my parents LVOE ME and want me to have the BEST life. So of course they will not treat you like the princess you wish you were.
Really, the problem here is that Dan exposed you to the raw comunications of the famly. Yes, we thought he was over the age when you have to preface what you say with, “don’t tell this to anyone outside teh family.” Families like to speak uncensored with each other because they feel secure that what they say will remain in the hosue. This allows a certain type of cognition to take place. Let’s say we’re talking aobut Nuclear Weapons. Each of us may say things we don’t intend for people to hear outside of our family because the process of discussion changes each of our opiinions about the topic at hand. Now a fabricated example that has nothing to do with the opinions of any member of my family on nukes, and is for illustratrion purposes only. For example, I may say, “We should nuke all of our advesaries.” Then Dan may say, “No, No, we should only nuke countries starting with the letter A.” and so on and so forth. After hearing Da and others I may have an entirely different opinion. Or, as my mother and I like to do, I may have said that simply because it was so provocative to say, but I don’t really mean it at all. So for Dan to tell soemone that I think we should noke everyone is wrong. Yeah, a weird exmaple, but he was totally violating lawyer-client priviledge. Hew ould go to my mom saying, Ashley hurt me, but then repeat things she said to comfort him to her. Not good!
But those things aside, did you really do much to EARN their love? That’s right, only your family is “obligated” to love you. When I first wanted to visit Danielle’s aparents when we started dating, they refused, saying that our relationship was just a blink - not worth meeting over. (Not in those words, but with that sentiment) Over time I showed them how much I cared for them. For example, I used my God-given computer and networking expertise to set up a wireless network in their hosue. I helped her Aunt with ehr digital camera. I carried groceries with them. I asked them about their past and I brought them gifts when I visited. All of this I did with sincerity. I didn’t do it thinking, “haha, after I go fishing with the old man, he’ll be putty in my hands.” I love Danielle and, by extension, loved her family.
Let us examine what you, Ashely, did. Whenever you would come over you didn’t do stuff with the familhy, you and Daniel withdrew to his room where you talked or w/e and isolated yourselves. Did Danny tell you to do this, isntead of participating in family activities? Well, you should have corrected him, if you loved him. Danielle does not love my family more than I do, but she is always saying, “we should buy your parents a larger gift,” or “you should go help your Dad with the lawn.” Do you see the differnce? Love means giving up your selfish activities. Another example, although you finally changed in 2005, you never washed your dishes after having dinner at my parents’ house. And, the BS excuse of, “I tried it once and they told me I didn’t have to,” is truly BS. At your age, you should know the game we play called MANNERS. You offer to do something nice and the other person tells you that you don’t have to. You are SUPPOSED to do it anyway! When I pay for dinner when I eat with my parents we sometimes have to literally play tug-of-war with the receipt, this is how life works! You don’t just let the other person take the check. In the end, sometimes my mom lets me “win” and sometimes I let her”win”. The point is not to keep score, but to genuinely express an intent to cover the bill and not make the person feel used.
And what kind of spoiled behavior was leaving before Slope Day? After Daniel had been looking forward to celebrating it with you for months! He had bought you an attendance ticket for Slope Dady. And over one stupid arguement you left/ That’s when I knew things there in trouble. Danielle and I are no strangers to arguements. We usually have at LEAST two good ones a month. But she NEVERleft the apartment. When she was visiting in Flordia, she NEVER flew back home. When I was in NY, I never flew back home. That’s just messed up!
When you do these things that hurt a member of our family, how did you think we’d feel? You’re quick to call others selfish, but what about you? That’s right, you are! Because only a selfish person doesn’t see the hrut they inflict. Sure, it’s one thing to say “I’m Sorry” from back in Flordia, but shouldn’t have left in the first oplace. How does that make you look?
I found out this weekend that my grandmother never liked you. And you know what/ My family ISN’T hard on girlfriends. Look at Daniela. Everyone in my family loves her. SHe is nice, caring, and no one has ever said anything bad about her. LEt you think it’s because she’s latina, my grandmother loved an Italian girl I dated in high school. Tiffany and I trimmed my grandmother’s tree when everyone lese in the extended family said, “if grandma said she doesn’t want a tree, then she doesn’t want a tree.” That was when I was 16 years old. Even though I broke up with her shortly thereafter, until I met Danielle and the familyh realized I was serious, my grandmotehr would always ask me, “Waht ever happened to that cute little Italian girl?” And, I know because she told me shortly before she died, she loved Danielle because she saw how good Danielle was to me and how good she was to my mother. So you can generalize and say that my family is mean to girlfirends, but frankly, I see only one that has garnered problems.
Finally, before I address the contents of your blog post, I truly resent any attacks against me. I was truly your only ally in all of this ( other than Danny, of course). I never once said a bad thing to Daniel. Whenver people would rip into you, Ashely, at the house, I would tell people to chill. When they questioned if Danny was happy, I assured them that he was. I ALWAYS picked you up from the airport and dropped you off, even if it meant waking up early on a Saturday or Sunday. I could have let you take a cab at $24 round trip (mayb emroe for all those bags you packed). But I would pick you up each time. I always told Danny that you were welcome to eat at our apartment. Waht more did you want from me? I don’t knowhow your family treats you, if they put rose petals in your path as you walk, but I’m sorry - I have dignitiy and I think I did everything any human could be expected to do and DEMAND the utmost respect.
Yes, as time wore on and you did these things, I increasingly felt that you and Daniel were NOT a match, but I held my tongue. I told everyone that I thought perhaps things weren’t working, bu t that it was Daniel’s decision. IF Dan was happy, who was I to say anhything? I didn’t have to spend every waking hour with you. I was find being around you for dinners and BBQs and stuff.
I’m so mad I can’t even write a response to your blog right now!
Forgive me Lord for the terror I have unleashed with the gift of writing you have given me. Forgive me for being mean to others. As you were a man yourself, I’m sure you know the feelings I have inside and why I could not let this go. It is not the right thing to do, but “I’m just a man” as the Supertones song says.
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Jan
22
What a small world!
Category: Photography | 1 Comment
Months ago, I discovered one of the more creative photographers on flickr. Zannah takes pictures of her anime figurines in various locations as if they were real. (Think the “roaming gnome” from travelocity) Here are some of my favorites:
When I was browsing through techn0manc3r’s page, I clicked on usr-bin-girl and saw that the author was Zannah. I wondered if it was the same one because the picture looked familier. When I scrolled down the page, I saw that it was the same person! Now THAT is a small world if I ever saw one!
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Jan
21
that’s it! Debian is now done installing! Much better!
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Jan
21
The Fedora install was going so well…it was on disc 3 with nary a problem. Then it had the same problem again. For some reason, in the middle of the install it rebooted the laptop again. Frankly, I’m not down with these 3 day installs. Sorry, but my laptop’s days with Fedora have passed. Basically, every time I try to reinstall Fedora I know I’m going to have similar problems. It’s just too slow to endure these kinds of installs. So I’m switching over to Debian on my laptop where upgrades do not require reinstalling the entire system. You just point to a new repo and update your packages as usual. Fedora will remain on my nice fast computer.
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Jan
20
Search Engines
Category: Internet, News | Leave a Comment
Search engines have been in the news a lot recently. For example, this BBC News story talks about how Google is refusing to hand over their search results to the Justice Department. This could come back to bite them in the butt when they try to buy some company and the DoJ denies their application. I believe they are probably doing the right thing as we are already giving up too much privacy involuntarily. This week a story broke on all the major news networks that for about $100 I can buy the cell phone records of a complete stranger.
What people seem to have forgotten is the reprehensible behavior of some of the other search engines. Microsoft has agreed to block search terms according to the Chinese government’s wishes. So any Chinese with democratic aspirations can’t search for pages related to those things. Additionally, users of MS blogging service can’t blog about those topics. Yahoo actually cooperated with China to jail a dissident by divulging their private information. It all comes down to MONEY. If it weren’t for all the greenbacks to be made dealing with China, I think they would have told China to piss off. Whatever happened to ethics or having a conscious?
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Jan
20
The install is behaving….
Category: Fedora | Leave a Comment
I guess Fedora grokked that if this install didn’t work, I was going to install Debian or Ubuntu. It’s currently going through CD 2 without problems. Still slow as heck, but actually making it through. Excellent!
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